a mama's confidence & self-worth

MEGAN

Confidence and motherhood don't always go hand in hand - with "mom guilt" running rampant, social media making it easier and easier to compare ourselves to someone else's highlight reel, plus a big lack of time and energy to get ready for the day or make time for yourself. When you're caring for a little one and your job becomes home manager/accountant/cleaner/chef/caregiver - taking care of yourself often ends up on the back burner. I used to spend as much time as I wanted getting ready - I thought I was busy when I was going to school and working, but I had large gaps of time that I could use however I chose - spending time with friends, going on fun dates with Chris, taking a long bath, studying, going to a workout class, and spending leisure time at home. Do I miss those days? Once in a while, after a particularly hard day, absolutely. But I always strive to be adaptable, and I like to simply think as my life now as full - and with our little baby being the center of this change in lifestyle, it's filled to the brim with love. (And laundry.)

image via Pinterest

I am learning to not tie my self-worth into the tangible productivity of the day. On days where I clean the entire house, pay all the bills, write a blog post, and feel like I'm a bomb.com mom - I feel like I am on top of the world. Then, that vision of myself can come crashing down on days where I am unable to keep up with the constant messes (Oh, our dog pooped on the floor. Again.) or when Ben is having a hard day and has been crying a lot or feeling sick. Suddenly, in my own head, I'm a failure - a bad mom, I can't do anything right, and I'm utterly unable to keep up with the "simple" job of being a stay-at-home mama.

We really are our own worst critics, mamas.

First of all, start to establish this truth in your head: You will not be able to look perfect, feel like the ultimate mom, clean everything, spend time working on your own passions, and stay sane EVERY day. You simply won't be able to! Having high expectations for yourself can be a positive thing, but beating yourself up for not meeting them will set you back even farther. Wake up every day, even if you barely slept the night before and you are feeling extremely groggy, and tell yourself that you are a beautiful, amazing mama. Write down the things that you are grateful for, and the things that you think make you a great mom. Sit with your little one while they're eating breakfast, and drink your tea or coffee, noticing the flavor and taking deep breaths. Step outside and stretch for a moment - my little guy loves being outside, it often calms him down. Give your little one some snacks and toys and put them in a  safe area near you while you wash your face, brush your teeth, put on a little bit of mascara and concealer. Give yourself that little bit of time to feel like a human woman - you deserve it. Starting the day with that positive outlook will make you stronger through the day - I have had days where everything goes wrong, and I barely bat an eye - it doesn't phase me from feeling good about myself and the day ahead. I also have days where everything goes wrong and I feel like it's all my fault. Those days often follow an exhausted and frustrated morning and a bad attitude.

image via Pinterest

Keep this in mind as a little bit of encouragement, as well - taking care of our little ones is important, important work. If you ever have a day where you are feeling discouraged, remember that you are raising the future of our world!

All in all - you are a great mama. Giving yourself just that little bit of time to show yourself some care and respect will set you up for a great day with your little one, and you will feel like you are able to handle the curveballs that motherhood loves to toss our way. You are beautiful, wonderful, and you are doing a good job. (We believe in you!)

SHELBY

I think that it can be a very challenging transition becoming a mama and having to totally reroute your life and how it looks on a daily basis. Sleeping in, having an abundance of leisure time (even if you don't think you do- you really do), and spending an hour or more getting all dolled up to spend a day out with your partner or girlfriends- all of those things become rare once you have a tiny human to take care of! Now I am lucky if I get to do any of those things! Let's face it... if you're a mama to a young baby like Megan and me, you probably won't truly get to sleep in or get a full night's rest with no interruptions for years to come. (And if you do, just know that I am very happy for you, and also a little bit jealous).

For me, what used to be my leisure time (now known as Rhett's naptime), has become folding the laundry, vacuuming, cleaning up toys, doing the dishes, cooking or meal-planning, budgeting, cleaning the bathroom, putting together Rhett's cloth diapers, organizing, going through clothes, trying to sell things, mopping, and the list goes on and on and on... Some days I really feel like I can't catch a break! When Rhett is awake we are playing, eating, running errands, etc. Moral of the story is- it's a busy life! And sometimes it can be so hard to find the time to work on feeling confident.

I think it is important for you to figure out what makes you feel confident and strive to do those things every day. Like for real, every day.

Personally, I find confidence in getting myself ready. I have discovered that it is so much easier for me to feel happy and outgoing if I have makeup on, my hair is done, and my outfit was picked out instead of just thrown on. Instead of making sure I get all of the cleaning done while Rhett naps, I have been prioritizing getting myself ready for the day first. It has helped me tremendously to feel more secure and confident in myself while I am going about my typical day!

I also find confidence in personal accomplishments. I am an avid list maker and am always making "to do" lists, crossing off each task as I complete it so that I can see all that I've achieved. If I don't have a list of what to do, my day is usually a little bit crazy! I need that structure, which is something I have come to understand about myself. It may sound a bit cheesy, but I really do thrive on completing "to do" lists. Something I do either every night or every morning is write a list of a few things that I need to accomplish during the day. Whether they be typical chores, errands, projects, whatever it may be, I write it down so that I have a simple goal to reach that day.

Along with that, I believe that setting big goals for yourself is important. More than just chores or errands, but instead, life goals. They can be financial goals, personal growth goals, physical goals, whatever it may be that is going to give you a great sense of achievement once you reach it. Right now Michael and I have set huge goals for ourselves and I have noticed a HUGE change in my life. My attitude and eagerness for life have shifted because I have found a greater purpose within myself along with being a mother, (which is my life's greatest purpose). I have had to force myself to step outside of my comfort zone and have grown so much because of it. It is amazing what we can accomplish when we push ourselves. I truly believe that we are capable of so much more than we think we are. I have come to realize that by creating big goals and working towards them, we are able to find confidence in the greater purpose we create for ourselves.

Achieving confidence is definitely not a "one-size-fits-all" journey, and it doesn't necessarily end either. There are days that I do these things and there are days where I don't. Somedays I feel very confident and other days are filled with self-doubt and self-criticism. Sometimes I just lack the energy to find confidence within myself. But if you are constantly striving to become better for yourselves and others, you will find the confidence you need to keep going and growing! So get yourself ready, do a few things each day that make you feel accomplished, and find something to work towards that will help you become a better person and in turn, help you feel more confident in yourself!

THINGS YOU CAN DO TO HELP BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE:

• Get yourself ready. Do your makeup the way that makes you feel confident. If that means a full face- go for it! If you feel more confident without makeup, that works too! Get yourself in a comfortable, cute outfit that makes you feel good about yourself and do your hair. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to make yourself feel and look good. 
• Take a Break. What we mean by this is, take a break from the constant comparing game that so many of us (mama's & women especially), get trapped in! If you are scrolling through Facebook or Instagram and thinking of how put-together somebody else looks, or how clean their house looks in their pictures, or how pretty they are, STOP IT. "Comparison is an act of violence against the self." -Iyanla Vanzant
• Set a goal. Feeling a sense of achievement can help boost your confidence!
• Have a good morning. This probably won't happen every morning because as Shelby said, it's a busy life! But try to make each morning special - eat breakfast with your little, stretch, take deep breaths, have some coffee or tea, make mental notes about how the sun is hitting the treetops, how big your little one's smile is that morning, etc. Set yourself up for a good day.
• Do something that makes you feel like you. Whether that's taking a walk with your baby, listening to music in the morning while you're making breakfast, journaling at bedtime, or doing a hobby that you love a couple of times a week, do it! (Some days, it could simply be walking around Target and seeing what new holiday decor they have in the Dollar Spot! Yes, I am speaking from experience!)
• Make a To-Do List. If you want to feel a little ore accomplished today, make a to-do list. I like to write some of the smaller tasks I'm doing so I can cross more off my list haha! Does anyone else do this? If I'm paying the bills, I'll break it down to each small bill or if I'm cleaning the house, I'll break it down to each room or task so I can confidently cross off each task one by one!
• Try a Project. This might seem like kind of a random tip, but this is something that makes me feel confident and inspired - do a project! It could be anything - a DIY fall decoration that you make yourself, an inspiration collage with quotes from Pinterest and photos from magazines, a really yummy pie that has a challenging recipe, a candle, or making some soaps with essential oils. Even if it doesn't turn out the way you expect, you made something with your hands and challenged yourself. You can find all sorts of cool things to make online!
• Positive self-talk. You might feel cheesy doing this at first, but who cares?! Wake up, and as you're making breakfast or brushing your hair, tell yourself how wonderful, strong, loved, and important you are. If you are having moments of self-doubt, remind yourself of these things.